Do you have ANY idea how difficult that makes it for me to forge and maintain relationships?
One of the first things I make a point to do when I meet someone I can hold a conversation with for more than five minutes without losing interest is to explain to them in the most non-threatening way I possibly can that I will break down everything they say and do... after all I don't want them coming into a friendship unarmed.
Maybe that seems harsh, but it's just reality. People in my life learn really quickly that they may not like what I have to say but that they never have to wonder what I'm thinking. Well, in rare cases I wait to be asked what I am thinking - and even those times are in what I refer to as the 'courting' stage of the friendship.
How do you know I like you - I mean really know that there is enough substance there to entertain me for more than a few minutes at any sitting and that you've become important to me? It's when I stop hesitating to tell you how I feel about something that is highly charged emotionally, politically, or socially. It's by then I feel completely safe.
But I'm not going to kid you or myself on this - there is really very little I won't speak my mind on with someone (even at my job, to my own detriment at times). But in that tender getting to know all about you phase, I decided a better approach was to lay it all out on the table in my online - we'll call it 'dating' playing along with the theme here though that's a misnomer to a degree - profile.
I figure if my new friend is a) desperate enough to be looking at say yahoo! personals and b) can make it through my profile comments without deciding I'm an outright bitch (I can curse, right?) and they still want to contact me... well, I'm about as free to be me as two testicles floating around in a pair of boxers.
Sorry - I don't have a pair to grab when I feel like it so I tend to talk about 'the boys' a lot. Note: This is absolutely no reflection on where my mind generally is, by the way. I'm a very passionate person in all that I do - how I care for my family, how I approach my job, and how I love my partners. Don't get me wrong - sex is amazing... when you do it right. (Don't worry I'm not about to name names - good or bad.)
But I digress.
In building this two-dimensional version of myself, hoping to run off weirdos and sex fiends, and to clearly communicate I am in this for the long haul I include things like... well:
[I decided not to include the explicit verbiage I initially planned - but can it suffice to say I am 110% c-l-e-a-r in my expectations? I know women will trust me when I say this but there are likely men who would want to argue the point.]
Now, maybe you are one of those people who can't read between the lines - I get that - you are the reason I have to write things like this to get my message across! Heck maybe I suck at communicating. But I just don't think anyone can say that I beat around the bush about what I want and don't want.
So it always comes back then to this nightmare of sociological hell to which I subject myself.
I ask were you just hoping I made all that sh!t up? Maybe you thought you could convince me to change my mind?
Or was it that you thought I was stupid enough to get in bed with you and then you could break the news?!
My life would be so much easier I imagine (I can only guess really) if I lowered... maybe lessened is a better choice of word... my expectations. But you know what - I don't have to! Because I am worth everything I ask for from a relationship.
I just wish people would listen to me when I talk, hear what I SAY and not what they want to hear, and if you're not willing to live up to those expectations, just f**king say so.
There are plenty more options out there. I know I'm only going to find quality in quantity - and you're just one no closer to a yes, babe.
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