Bullies Come in All Shapes and Sizes

This weekend in the midst of confronting our 13-year old about his failure to complete schoolwork, we discovered that he was the ongoing victim of bullying at school but didn't want to burden us with it because - and I admire him for this part - even though it bothered him immensely it was his own fault that he ultimately did not complete his work and was not going to use it as an excuse for failure.

Although his father and I encouraged him with parental rhetoric about ignoring them, how the best revenge was to do well in school, and how he wouldn't have to deal with those people when he grows up, I realize we were steadily painting a picture that falls somewhat short of reality.

Some bullies just never grow up or grow out of their abusive behavior models.

Whether persons of responsibility who wield power without respect, individuals who monopolize every conversation  and would rather hear themselves talk than listen, or someone who forces their beliefs onto others without any regard for opposing views, bullying exists in a real way for all of us. Yes, we all know these people, and we have to learn to deal with them one way or another. Sadly, some of us give in because it's not worth fighting and others of us are so dependent on that person or the part of our lives we feel they have control over that we feel trapped. But we cannot become victims by our own choice, and as parents we should be leading by example.

All of a sudden I had this overwhelming feeling of guilt. After all, here my child was broken down in tears the very first time I was hearing about the problem.  Then I realized something.

My son is becoming the kind of person I can respect - accepting responsibility for things he can control, refusing to obsess over things he cannot, rejecting the easy road of blaming other people for his personal situation, trying to keep things in proper perspective, and refusing to let someone else dictate his behavior or the outcome of his life, all the while exhibiting strength of character in trying to protect those he loves.

I realized I had been teaching him, had been setting an example, and that even though I so often feel that he is not listening to me - he is nonetheless watching and mirroring. By the time he does reach adulthood, I know I'll have so many reasons to be proud of him - and he might just live to get there if he'll start turning in his schoolwork.